My life lately has been defined by the fact that I am either working or on days-off. It shouldn’t be like that, but for some reason it is. I spend both too much, and not enough time strictly deciding what needs to happen during my too-few hours at home with the fam. Working days consist of merely making it through, and not thinking of how many more I have left, what I’m missing out on, or how lonely the bed feels at night. It’s like my head is in the clouds. I should never wish away time. Not working consists of celebration, hugs, kisses, cuddles, waiting for J to come home from work, waiting for the weekend, way too much sleep, and making up for everything (I think) I missed out on during my previous week. Both feel too fast, too un-tasted and under-appreciated. My life is like a whirlwind and days are flying by like they don’t even count. . I want to take time, live like in a movie or the cover of a great novel, sit on the front porch and count the minutes with the people and things I love.
This year, instead of making a resolution, I thought back on 2014 and talked with J about our memories from the year. Not surprisingly, we had very few. I don’t know how many memories one should be able to recall from a year, but a mere handful seems too few. 2015 will be the year of remembering, a start to making memories and a stop to wishing time away. I hope this time next year we will sit down and think of many times: from hikes to adventures to camping trips, to cuddle sessions and breakfasts in bed (we had dinner in bed for our first time and it was magical).
Since I am resolution-less, and surrounded by the madness of January dieting and gym-goers, I have decided to do the Whole30 (just to fit in 😉 ). Today is my Day 2.
Near the end of the day yesterday I was sitting at my desk thinking “Ha! I don’t see what the big deal is. This is easy-peasy“. I then went to the website to check out how other people have felt on Day 1. Well, it appears I am not alone. Day 1 is easy for most people, and the euphoric high you get from following through for an entire day (go, you!) is a happiness booster for many. The information also informed me to be prepared for Day 2 and 3 to feel less than ideal. I got this.
I woke up with a slight headache (very minor) and it has gone away since then. I feel okay, but I would have liked to have toast for breakfast.. I will survive. I thought about why I wanted toast, and all I could come up with was that I liked it. I had raspberries instead, I like those too.
It’s 30 days of the rest of my life, so even if I learn one single, tiny thing about myself, it’s a challenge, and it was worth it. What else do I really have going on?
Whole30 is supposed to change your relationship with food, and how you think about what you put into your body. I tend to do best when my options are strictly limited, anyways. One bite of chocolate and I’m eating the entire cupboard. I don’t know why I am like that, but for me, I am easily de-railed and the flood gates open wide after a small slip-up. I have an all or nothing mentality when it comes to food… This will be good for me, I think. I need something to focus my energy on (or maybe not focus my energy on). Something to succeed at and something to force me to check in with myself, my feelings, and what is happening my life — daily.