New goals, fresh start.

Before the wedding, I was getting a bit obsessed with ‘getting fit’. I was working out to exhaustion, eating specifically according to my ‘plan’, and working with a ‘coach’. I say coach in quotations because, looking back, I should have listened to my husband: she had no idea. She made me cut out foods that I loved, and I listened. I’m not talking chips and cookies here, either. I’m talking organic, unsweetened coconut milk in my smoothies. But she told me it was bad, so I listened. She made me stop eating carbs at lunch, and I listened.

Guess what happened? I was cranky, upset, hungry (at times), over full (at other times)..but most of all, I wanted coconut milk, and carbs at night. BADLY.

I was so worried about the wedding. I was so, so paniced. The used-to-be fat girl inside of me kept worrying that when I got my wedding pictures back I would regret it. This was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. If I hated the way I looked in my wedding photos, I’d always regret it.

The big day came, I had my hair and my makeup done, my Mom laced me into my dress, and I put on my earings. Guess what? Not once did I think about what size I looked. Not once. For me, this was a miracle.


I went the entire day, and I felt like a princess. I was so happy, and so surrounded by people I loved. It was magical. And I didn’t think about my size. Not once.

On our honeymoon, I walked around in my little bitty bikini…and I rocked it (at least I think I did). I ate way too much food, and I had absolutely anything and everything I wanted for two whole weeks. I didn’t worry about a carb, a fat, and a protein with every meal. I didn’t have 6 meals a day or stop eating carbs at lunch, I just ate. I just lived.

After 14 days of this craziness, we flew back home. I mustered up the courage to climb aboard the scale to judge the damages. Pulling the blue glass scale out from beside the bathroom sink, all those feelings came back. I hadn’t even weighed myself yet and I was thinking “you shouldn’t have eaten all that”. Guess what? I lost 4 pounds during our trip.

I joked with J that the ‘burger’ diet was good for me, and he smiled. He loves seeing me confident in myself, I can tell. “I told you,” he said “you just have to eat when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re full. I know you’ll never let yourself go overboard”. I love him.

So that, my friends, is my new plan. Since we only really buy organic fruits and veggies, grass-fed meats, and whole grains, I should be good to go. Noted that this ‘plan’ probably wouldn’t work for someone who’s taste buds are in a loving relationship with oreos and lucky charms, but I think I’ve got this in the bag.

I am going to up the workouts now that we’re back, and I’m going to eat like a normal, healthy person. Lots of fruits, lots of veggies, and carbs whenever I damn well feel. If I want ice cream, or frozen yogurt, I’m going to eat it..just not for five consecutive days. I am excited to see what happens next. I want abs, and we all know those are made in the kitchen. Come on kitchen, get cooking! 😉

I feel happy…and I feel healthy. I could get used to this wife stuff.


Burrr…Thursday rant.

I’m so cold. All the time!  Right now I am sitting in my office with the space heater running at max, trying to over-ride the air conditining that my manager has blasting in this place. It makes me so sleepy though… this blog post, while perhaps quite useless and uninformative, is my attempt at making it through the next few hours of my shift without taking a desk nap.

It’s summer time here, and the weather is’s hovering around 30 degrees (that’s 86 in Fahrenheit, according to Google..which might not seem hot for some, but for us, it’s pretty standard. It sometimes might get to about 35 (or 95F), but that’s about the max). It’s also insanely dry here and there’s no ocean…so the heat feels a bit like a desert. But guess who LOVES IT? This girl. Maybe I need to move somewhere I hear about on TV where 100F is the norm…mmm…let’s cook an egg, shall we?

You know that feeling of climbing into a scortching car after it’s been sitting in the sun all day? Lovely..only a few more hours..haha  James thinks I am absolutely nuts and we constantly fight over the air conditioning level in the car. Air conditioning sucks. Give me hot, hot, sweltering, unventilated car heat anyday over AC.

P.S. I am getting married in two weeks.

On that note, let’s unleash the Bridezilla for a bit, shall we? I’ve never been to a wedding, and this is the first one I’ve ever been a part of planning…so please correct me if any of my stated information or feelings are wrong.

Say someone invites you to a wedding.. a wedding that has specifically stated (through both word of mouth and their beautiful wedding website) that children will, unfortunately, not be invited to the event due to space constraints, as well as the fact that the venue does not allow minors. Now,  would you think it would be reasonable to ask the host(s) if you could PLEASE bring your kids? “No one else even has to know”.. Or, how about request that you please ADD ADDITIONAL PERSON(S) to your invite? I’ve had several inquiries lately, ranging from “My husband can’t come, so I’m bringing my child in his place”, “My son wants to come, and he is bringing his girlfriend”, “Will there be booze at the ceremony??” to “I think it’s absolutely unfair that my children cannot come and we will not be attending since our family comes as a single unit.”, and even “I am thinking of leaving my husband, but I am unsure. Would it be okay for me to put an alternate name down as my plus 1, just in case?”. <– That is real.. I swear it is.

Crazy. Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe they are. Everyone has told me since the begining of this planning that I cannot be worried about other people, that “this is [our] special day”, and “not to let it get to [me]”..but I feel like a bit of a psycho/meany-pants/bridezilla/control freak when I have to say “no”, “no”, “no”, “yes”, “okay”, “maybe”, “sorry”, “sure”, or, “I’ll get back to you”, to each of these requests.

I get it..but please understand, folks… I’m truly sorry you can’t bring your kids, and (as a non-parent) I cannot begin to imagine how horrible it must be for you to have one free night away from them (I’ve offered to pay for a sitter).  I’m also sorry that our venue only allows us to accomodate a small number of people, and that we have chosen to have an intimate wedding with only our close family and friends. I am also sorry that your 14-year old son wants to bring his girlfriend, but unfortunately I am not interested.I am sorry that you feel the need to drink during our ceremony, but that, unfortunately, will not be available until afterwards. I’m also sorry that I’ve never met your five year old golden retriever, and I’m sure he’s lovely..but we are not having animals at the wedding (other than Monkey and Benjamin, because they are my soul babies). <– okay, I guess that answer’s it.. It’s me who’s crazy.

Oh wait, no I’m not sorry. We invited each and every single one of you to share in our special day because you’re important to us. Please come, and pack a smile and well-wishes…that is all we ask. If you don’t agree with the way we are organizing our big day, we truly hope you can get over it, but if not, you will unfortunately not be welcome (and no, your sister’s cat cannot take your place).

So, my special friends, that ends my crazy rant (sorry if I offended anyone).

In closing:

I promise that if I am ever invited to a wedding I will come as I am, and if Jamie is not available (or even not invited!), I will come alone. I will not ask if I can bring my sister’s cousin’s friend and his entire family. I promise. I will cheer when you kiss, and I will probably cry too, even if you are wearing black and ONLY invite children–I want your day to be perfect–for you. Good luck fellow brides, try to remember to breathe..


Library Loving.

I’m addicted to books….

But there’s a bit of a loop hole. My Grandma is addicted to books, and I remember her saying on some occasions “this book is no good.. I can’t wait to be finished with it.” Well, I can tell you, I would never get to that point. Call me a quitter if you’s probably justified, but I can usually tell after about 15 minutes if I’m going to finish the book..I’m very selective. Just ask the stack of “attempted” books on my bedside table.

For this reason, I rarely buy books new, I am more of a garage-sale/library/raiding my Mom’s bookshelves kinda girl.  This approach usually prevents me from getting my hands on any of the “top 40” of the book world, but I figure if they’re that good, I’ll come across them in a few years at a yard sale.

Last night I headed out to the library while Jamie had his boy time (his best friend/ best man is staying with us right now–bro-mance!). I only had 45 minutes before the library closed, so I stumbled around, looking through the non-fiction categories (I don’t do well with fiction..I’ve maybe read 5-6 fiction books in my lifetime). I stocked up! I walked away with 5 books about marriage, love, and/or sex (all the current themes running my life right now).IMG_20140730_105120

Then I drove to my little spot, parked the truck, opened the windows, hung my bare feet out and layed back in the comfy seat. The first one I opened, I read the first page, and before I knew it I had been sitting there for three hours and was on page 76. Whoa. Nice work, Dr. Ruth…I brought the books to work today (shhh) so I can get all my reading, with pay!

I’m going to be a marriage professional before you even know it… What are your favorite books?


25 days..

Our wedding is coming up really fast. It feels like yesterday that I was sitting on the couch with Jamie discussing vendor payments that were due at the 6-month mark. Well, we definitely don’t have 6 months anymore. I’ve put in four solid months of healthy eating and exercising, I’ve been praticing trying to be a ‘wife’ and do laundry (without waiting for 10 loads to be ready..) and make dinner, and pack lunches with fresh baked goods. I’ve started cleaning up every night after dinner (instead of leaving the mess for the next day), and the dish washer hasn’t sat clean for more than an hour before the dishes made their way back to their place in the cupboards. I am starting to feel like a grown up.

And then last night it finally hit me. I am getting married in just over 3 weeks. We are no longer able to use the word “month” when describing the distance of the wedding. Not even “one month away”. Nope, we even passed that. We are now at weeks. Weeks away. We were sitting on the couch, facing one another, and I grabbed both of his hands. I think I squeezed almost too tight for comfort, and all I could say was “I’m so glad you’re going to be there.. it would be way too scary without you”. It brought tears to my eyes. Not sad tears, just happy, nervous tears. We are really doing this.GOP-Engagement-18-XL

I’m not going to lie, the whole thing feels strange. It feels a bit scary and it feels a bit too ‘adult’ for me. It feels right, don’t get me wrong, and I am ready to get married, and obviously I am completely sure of what I want, but it still seems a bit surreal. I mean, we are planning our WEDDING and subsequently our MARRIAGE. I am going to be a WIFE and have a HUSBAND. Next we are going to be flying away on our honeymoon, just the two of us. Soon we will be planning for children (don’t tell James I said soon…it makes him panic, too) and I’ll be having a little baby with cute little dimples, just like it’s Dad.  In a way, I just thought I’d feel different when this time came, I’d feel prepared and ready and like a real adult.

When I was 20-ish and in my second year of University, I remember asking my Mom when I would start feeling like an “adult”. To me, that meant feeling truly independent, not wanting to cry to my Mom when I was upset, and not craving hugs from my family when I was away from home. It meant being confident in my decisions, and not having a mini panic-attack when signing mortgage papers with James without my Mom present (yes, I actually had that thought). I remember her telling me that I was a grown-up. That my mindset was probably pretty much developed, my views and opinions were there, and all that was left were some life lessons and some time to grow internally. She said I would always need my Mom (and that she still needed Grandma), and I’d never stop having a tiny part of me that didn’t feel fully ready. Man, she was right. I don’t think I’ll ever get over needing hugs from my Momma, or stop missing the fresh, comfy, safeness of my bed at Grandma’s house.

Anyways, I guess that was a bit of an aside (^^) sorry… hahagop-engagement-7

I can’t wait to put on my dress, and get my hair all done up and be surrounded by everyone I love and care about. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle towards James and see his face. I will probably start running once I see him (towards him, of course) so I can sneak in a quick hug before I pass out… Here’s to the next three weeks!

Just because I am SO curious…do my quick poll. I’m having a deep day, I want some deep advice.







My Bucket List…the 10 gallon type.

I think everyone should have a bucket list. It gives you a visual reminder of the things you want to do in life–even when times get hectic. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagent: maybe you want to travel to another state, or give your time to a cause that is important to you. For me, it also lets me find happiness and accomplishment in some of the tiniest moments.

I started actually writing out my “bucket list” in my second year of University. It helped me focus on the bigger picture at a time when I was really struggling to do so. I was going through a tough time and struggling to keep myself afloat. Looking back, I believe this is when my hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s symptoms were intense and I felt completely hopeless. For anyone going through that right now, I’m sending tons of love. It will get better.


My list so far:

  1. Swim in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans
  2. Dance naked in the rain
  3. Go to India
  4. Purchase my first house
  5. Finish University
  6. Own my home — mortgage free!
  7. Take my Mom on a trip
  8. Go on a road trip across Canada
  9. Go to Alaska
  10. Go on a road trip across America
  11. Let myself fall in love– completely and without fear
  12. Run a 5k race
  13. Have blonde hair
  14. Go to New York
  15. Go paintballing
  16. Own a camper
  17. Go on a camper road-trip
  18. Go skinny dipping
  19. Climb a mountain
  20. Raise a Guide-dog puppy
  21. Watch the sunrise and the sunset
  22. Stay up all night
  23. Go back country camping
  24. Send a message in a bottle
  25. Fall asleep under the stars
  26. Volunteer for an important cause
  27. Marry the man of my dreams
  28. Donate blood
  29. Own a pig (and name him Wilbur)
  30. Go to Vegas
  31. Take Jamie to Vegas
  32. Be completely content with who I am
  33. Find a career that makes me happy
  34. Live on an acerage
  35. Foster dogs  (amazing, do this!)


See, not too fancy..but I will definitely have to keep checking it to see which ones I can complete! And I cant stop adding on!!! 🙂 haha


What’s on your list??



Forgive me while I backtrack..

I was unsure if I should start this blog. Does anyone really care? Well, maybe not..but I can tell you that in my recent quest for as much information as I can possibly find, I’ve come to love blogs of other’s with the same symptoms, or ‘happenings’ as I have.  It’s one thing to google hypothyroid, or Hashimoto’s, and see the “common symptoms”, and it’s a whole other thing to laugh and cry and feel relief by reading someone else’s personal accounts of their life. If even one person reads this and feels some kind of relief, it’s worth it. Plus, maybe it will help me get everything out on paper. I can bring a copy to my next Naturopath appointment, in-lieu of an update on my symptoms 😉

SO! The whole self-detoxing from Cipralex experience (as mentioned in my previous post) happened about a year ago. I felt great for about three months, then I started getting tired, and cranky. I fought with my fiance about everything. WHY DO YOU HAVE THE TV SO LOUD!? I was such a b*tch..and I knew it. I had begun losing the friends I had made while feeling great. I didn’t want to go out, I wanted to stay home with my puppies.. ONLY. EVER.

I went to the doctor several times, he told me I was fine (we had recently moved provinces and been lucky to even get a family doctor, so there was no time to be picky). Maybe it was just PMS (all month..). Maybe I should go back on Cipralex. I didn’t want to.. At this stage, I stopped going to the doctor. He had offered me a solution (medicate yourself, crazy!) and I wasn’t willing to accept it. What more did I want from him, really? Oh I forgot to mention (TMI, maybe), that I COULDN’T poop. Nope, I couldn’t. I ate healthy, I tracked my calories compulsively (something I started doing when I was 220+ pounds in University–it helped me loose over 70 lbs!) and I WAS EATING ENOUGH FIBRE!  I was drinking 3-4 litres of water, per day, and I was exercising like a crazy person. Help meeeee!

This went on for about two or three additional months. I had started a new ‘exercise and diet’ routine ( I was working with a fitness coach and entertaining the possibility of doing a Fitness Competition) and had been working my ass off for two months with NO change. And I mean nothing, not one pound. What in the hell was happening to me?! Then, suddenly, I realized I had extra money in my “Healthcare Spending Account” at work, and realized hey, you know what? Maybe I will go to a Naturopath.. Side bar: my family is anti-natural ANYTHING. If you asked my Grandpa what he thought about this it would be along the lines of “some kind of hippy doctor feeling your aura”. So, I kept this a secret and trecked off to see my new doctor. My fiance tagged along, as he had witnessed first hand the ‘fail’ of our family doctor.

Wow. Just wow. He listened, he asked questions, he had a true, genuine look of concern for my well-being. He knew my symptoms without even asking me. He felt my stomach and he looked in my mouth. He listened to my heart and checked my reflexes and blood pressure. Are you kidding me? I hadn’t had this done ONCE yet and it felt so good to have someone care. I was in there for an hour and a half, which was a big change from my recent 3-minute in-and-out visits. My fiance and I looked at eachother many times during the appointment with smiles on our faces like, “Is this actually happening?!”. He sent me home with some ideas: eating avocados and lemon juice, a special, natural sugar for my dry skin, and lots of great advise. I was given a requisition for blood work, and after everything was said and done (I had to pay upfront for the appointment and blood work), the bill came to almost $200. I didn’t bat an eye.

I went to get blood work the next day, happily, excited to have some real answers maybe. The doctor called me within two days and let me know my thyroid function was still low (despite being on synthroid), there were some signs of Hashimoto’s disease, and he wanted to try some new medications alongside the synthroid. This was last week. I have been following my “plan” for five days, today, and I feel better already. Honestly, even if not being so constipated is my only up-side of this entire thing, I’m SO happy. I go back in next week for a follow-up and we will discuss my results further and plan for more blood work in a few weeks. I have been researching like a crazy person. Every time I come across a new symptom I am astonished. I feel understood for the first time in my life, I don’t feel like such a failure. I’ve always wondered why my body was seemingly so much different than everyone elses, and now I am starting to understnad. I want to understand everything there is to understand about this disease. I am going to control it so it doesn’t control me.

❤ I am filled with so much hope!