Burrr…Thursday rant.

I’m so cold. All the time!  Right now I am sitting in my office with the space heater running at max, trying to over-ride the air conditining that my manager has blasting in this place. It makes me so sleepy though… this blog post, while perhaps quite useless and uninformative, is my attempt at making it through the next few hours of my shift without taking a desk nap.

It’s summer time here, and the weather is great..it’s hovering around 30 degrees (that’s 86 in Fahrenheit, according to Google..which might not seem hot for some, but for us, it’s pretty standard. It sometimes might get to about 35 (or 95F), but that’s about the max). It’s also insanely dry here and there’s no ocean…so the heat feels a bit like a desert. But guess who LOVES IT? This girl. Maybe I need to move somewhere I hear about on TV where 100F is the norm…mmm…let’s cook an egg, shall we?

You know that feeling of climbing into a scortching car after it’s been sitting in the sun all day? Lovely..only a few more hours..haha  James thinks I am absolutely nuts and we constantly fight over the air conditioning level in the car. Air conditioning sucks. Give me hot, hot, sweltering, unventilated car heat anyday over AC.

P.S. I am getting married in two weeks.

On that note, let’s unleash the Bridezilla for a bit, shall we? I’ve never been to a wedding, and this is the first one I’ve ever been a part of planning…so please correct me if any of my stated information or feelings are wrong.

Say someone invites you to a wedding.. a wedding that has specifically stated (through both word of mouth and their beautiful wedding website) that children will, unfortunately, not be invited to the event due to space constraints, as well as the fact that the venue does not allow minors. Now,  would you think it would be reasonable to ask the host(s) if you could PLEASE bring your kids? “No one else even has to know”.. Or, how about request that you please ADD ADDITIONAL PERSON(S) to your invite? I’ve had several inquiries lately, ranging from “My husband can’t come, so I’m bringing my child in his place”, “My son wants to come, and he is bringing his girlfriend”, “Will there be booze at the ceremony??” to “I think it’s absolutely unfair that my children cannot come and we will not be attending since our family comes as a single unit.”, and even “I am thinking of leaving my husband, but I am unsure. Would it be okay for me to put an alternate name down as my plus 1, just in case?”. <– That is real.. I swear it is.

Crazy. Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe they are. Everyone has told me since the begining of this planning that I cannot be worried about other people, that “this is [our] special day”, and “not to let it get to [me]”..but I feel like a bit of a psycho/meany-pants/bridezilla/control freak when I have to say “no”, “no”, “no”, “yes”, “okay”, “maybe”, “sorry”, “sure”, or, “I’ll get back to you”, to each of these requests.

I get it..but please understand, folks… I’m truly sorry you can’t bring your kids, and (as a non-parent) I cannot begin to imagine how horrible it must be for you to have one free night away from them (I’ve offered to pay for a sitter).  I’m also sorry that our venue only allows us to accomodate a small number of people, and that we have chosen to have an intimate wedding with only our close family and friends. I am also sorry that your 14-year old son wants to bring his girlfriend, but unfortunately I am not interested.I am sorry that you feel the need to drink during our ceremony, but that, unfortunately, will not be available until afterwards. I’m also sorry that I’ve never met your five year old golden retriever, and I’m sure he’s lovely..but we are not having animals at the wedding (other than Monkey and Benjamin, because they are my soul babies). <– okay, I guess that answer’s it.. It’s me who’s crazy.

Oh wait, no I’m not sorry. We invited each and every single one of you to share in our special day because you’re important to us. Please come, and pack a smile and well-wishes…that is all we ask. If you don’t agree with the way we are organizing our big day, we truly hope you can get over it, but if not, you will unfortunately not be welcome (and no, your sister’s cat cannot take your place).

So, my special friends, that ends my crazy rant (sorry if I offended anyone).

In closing:

I promise that if I am ever invited to a wedding I will come as I am, and if Jamie is not available (or even not invited!), I will come alone. I will not ask if I can bring my sister’s cousin’s friend and his entire family. I promise. I will cheer when you kiss, and I will probably cry too, even if you are wearing black and ONLY invite children–I want your day to be perfect–for you. Good luck fellow brides, try to remember to breathe..

 

25 days..

Our wedding is coming up fast..like really fast. It feels like yesterday that I was sitting on the couch with Jamie discussing vendor payments that were due at the 6-month mark. Well, we definitely don’t have 6 months anymore. I’ve put in four solid months of healthy eating and exercising, I’ve been praticing trying to be a ‘wife’ and do laundry (without waiting for 10 loads to be ready..) and make dinner, and pack lunches with fresh baked goods. I’ve started cleaning up every night after dinner (instead of leaving the mess for the next day), and the dish washer hasn’t sat clean for more than an hour before the dishes made their way back to their place in the cupboards. I am starting to feel like a grown up.

And then last night it finally hit me. I am getting married in just over 3 weeks. We are no longer able to use the word “month” when describing the distance of the wedding. Not even “one month away”. Nope, we even passed that. We are now at weeks. Weeks away. We were sitting on the couch, facing one another, and I grabbed both of his hands. I think I squeezed almost too tight for comfort, and all I could say was “I’m so glad you’re going to be there.. it would be way too scary without you”. It brought tears to my eyes. Not sad tears, just happy, nervous tears. We are really doing this.

I’m not going to lie, the whole thing feels strange. It feels a bit scary and it feels a bit too ‘adult’ for me. It feels right, don’t get me wrong, and I am ready to get married, and obviously I am completely sure of what I want, but it still seems a bit surreal. I mean, we are planning our WEDDING and subsequently our MARRIAGE. I am going to be a WIFE and have a HUSBAND. Next we are going to be flying away on our honeymoon, just the two of us. Soon we will be planning for children (don’t tell James I said soon…it makes him panic, too) and I’ll be having a little baby with cute little dimples, just like it’s Dad.  In a way, I just thought I’d feel different when this time came, I’d feel prepared and ready and like a real adult.

When I was 20-ish and in my second year of University, I remember asking my Mom when I would start feeling like an “adult”. To me, that meant feeling truly independent, not wanting to cry to my Mom when I was upset, and not craving hugs from my family when I was away from home. It meant being confident in my decisions, and not having a mini panic-attack when signing mortgage papers with James without my Mom present (yes, I actually had that thought). I remember her telling me that I was a grown-up. That my mindset was probably pretty much developed, my views and opinions were there, and all that was left were some life lessons and some time to grow internally. She said I would always need my Mom (and that she still needed Grandma), and I’d never stop having a tiny part of me that didn’t feel fully ready. Man, she was right. I don’t think I’ll ever get over needing hugs from my Momma, or stop missing the fresh, comfy, safeness of my bed at Grandma’s house.

Anyways, I guess that was a bit of an aside (^^) sorry… haha

I can’t wait to put on my dress, and get my hair all done up and be surrounded by everyone I love and care about. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle towards James and see his face. I will probably start running once I see him (towards him, of course) so I can sneak in a quick hug before I pass out… Here’s to the next three weeks!

Just because I am SO curious…do my quick poll. I’m having a deep day, I want some deep advice.

 

Love,

Ashley.

 

 

“45 Days Out”

It was a long, hot day. I got home around 6pm and had mentally prepared myself for the gym the entire ride home. I was hot, sweaty, and my feet hurt. “Why can’t it just be Saturday?” crossed my mind more than once (rest day!). I got home, opened the door, and my two crazy monkeys came running over to see Mom. My goodness they make me happy beyond words (that’s another post..or seven).. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

After our workout, we came home and devoured these delicious, extra-lean, grass-fed beef burgers on lettuce buns (something you wouldn’t have caught him dead doing when we met) that my wonderful man made for us. The patties were weighed out and ready to grill! He isn’t 100% ready to be a passenger on my ‘ I weigh my food ‘ train, but he does what he can to support me and for that I am grateful. So, so good…and worth the workout, even after my long day. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, but that’s just the way it is for me some days. Some weeks I sleep for probably about 70 hours..others I sleep for about 35. Hashimoto’s you’re silly..and a pain in my ass.

On another note: Today marks exactly 45 days until I walk down the aisle! I’ve decided to spend the next 45 days doing WHATEVER it takes to feel like (at least) 2- million bucks on that day. It’s time to step it up a knotch! I’ve always struggled with my body image, and although I am now at a ‘healthy’ weight, I still feel like I am that 220-pound girl who was too shy to even glance up from my own little world. I know that for myself, the better I feel about myself, the happier I am. I want to ROCK that honeymoon bikini with NO fear, no regrets, and a huge smile on my face.

My lunch today was DELICIOUS. I tend to get sick of salads, especially since I don’t eat salad dressing, but this was just perfect. It’s really just a normal salad..but the avacado ‘dressing’ is TO DIE FOR (and guilt free!!)

• Cut up half a ripe avocado and “mix” it with your greens ( I used spring mix and baby kale) until they’re ‘coated’..I find it easiest if you use your hands for this 🙂
• Add some lemon juice (I used half a lemon), salt, and pepper (this made a delicious, creamy, guilt-free “dressing”)
• I also added some basil from my garden into the greens..this is optional, as you have to like basil. I LOVE basil..
• I also added 3/4 of an apple as my carb (the other 1/4 went directly into my belly while chopping..apples are my weakness!)

I also used snap peas, cucumber, baby tomatos and orange peppers, but just throw in whatever you have/like. That’s the beauty of salads.. haha

(I ate this along with a leftover burger patty with mustard and sirracha–PROTEIN is important 🙂 )